Jim Frankenfield - Humor Pages
[Home] - Get me out of here
Disclaimer - I did not write any of the humor in this archive, all of it came via email over the last 20+ years. I post it here for you amusement. Some may be political, some you may not find very funny. Don't blame me! And if it is political do not assume I agree or disagree with the viewpoint. I just thought it was amusing.
WE ARE DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God help us! If they’re made up, congrats to the people who thought them up!
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
IDIOT SIGHTING - This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
IDIOT SIGHTING - Sears Repair
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING - McDonalds
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's!!!
IDIOT SIGHTING - Taco Bell, Kansas City
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
IDIOT SIGHTING - Birmingham, Ala.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
IDIOT SIGHTING - Probation officer in Wichita , KS
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if
I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
IDIOT SIGHTING - Texas Instruments
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
IDIOT SIGHTING - A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
How would you pronounce this child's name?
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
STAY ALERT! They be walking among us...!!
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